Navigating the Challenges of Divorce: Understanding the Impact on Children and Strategies for Positive Parenting During Separation
A large number of children of divorced parents undergo parental divorce, leading to a higher probability of encountering significant difficulties in life, such as mental health issues and problems in school, compared to those from intact family structures that have not gone through a family breakdown. The long-term effects of divorce on children can be substantial. In some cases, the difficulties experienced by children during this divorce process have already existed in the family environment before the parental separation, often due to interparental conflict. In other cases, the divorce stress itself has negative effects of divorce on the children.
What Can Benefit Children with Divorced Parents?
Generally, it is beneficial for child development for children to have consistent and positive parental behavior with both of their parents. Good parenting quality encompasses various aspects.
Some factors that contribute to positive parental relationship quality include love, caring, accessibility, active participation, supervision of children, and using appropriate discipline methods. Effective coparenting is key.
During a divorce and children’s adjustment period, much attention is given to the custody schedule for the children, ensuring they spend time with each custodial parent. In most cases, it is beneficial for child adaptation to maintain consistent and frequent contact with both parents.
It appears that parenting quality holds greater significance than the quantity of time spent with each parent. It is ideal for the child to have sufficient time to actively engage with both parents, which can help build resilience.
Which Experiences Are Detrimental to Children of Divorce?
Exposure to hostile interparental conflict between parents can negatively affect children’s adjustment. This can include physical violence, threats of harm, as well as angry behaviors such as yelling, swearing, and name-calling. Even before a parental divorce, children can experience emotional insecurity when a parent threatens to leave the marriage.
In situations of divorce effects or parental separation, children can lose contact or involvement with one of their parents, often the non-residential parent. Research shows that child development thrives best when parents are actively and positively involved in their lives through effective co-parenting. Unfortunately, in a majority of cases, it is the father who is lost in these family transitions.
When a parent has a mental health issue, it can have a detrimental impact on their ability to engage in positive parental behavior. However, many parents can continue functioning well as parents, even during a parental divorce. It is common for parents to experience emotional distress during this divorce process, but the severity can vary greatly among individuals.
Financial concerns often arise when parents separate. Two households may be more expensive to maintain than one, leading to fewer resources for raising children. This can be especially difficult for children when money is tight before the parental divorce. Sometimes, both parents may need to work more, leaving less time and energy for co-parenting.
Long-Term Impact on Children
The long-term consequences on children are often a combination of various factors. For instance, the emotional struggles of parents, such as depression and anger, can result in poor parenting quality. As a result, the constant interparental conflict between parents can also cause them to experience more negative emotions. In addition, financial issues arising from the divorce effects can further contribute to divorce stress and create a sense of distress for everyone in the family dynamics.
There are various ways in which children may exhibit signs of emotional distress. Some may do so subduedly, displaying increased sadness, concern, or nervousness. On the other hand, some may express their distress by being confrontational, resistant, or engaging in substance abuse, which can lead to behavioral problems and impact academic achievement. Additionally, there may be children who display a combination of these behaviors at different stages of divorce for a child. Children’s reactions to divorce by age can vary significantly.
Additional Factors to Consider
It is not always the case that all parental divorce has negative impacts on children. Although children of divorce statistics show they are twice as likely to experience mental health issues compared to those from intact family structures, the majority of them do not face such challenges. There can even be some positive effects of divorce on children in high-conflict marriages. Therefore, it is crucial for experts to carefully evaluate the unique circumstances and details that pertain to the children in each divorce and children case, particularly regarding their time with each parent and decision-making processes.
Strategies for Parents to Handle Stress
While there may not be simple solutions for how parents can help children cope with separation, there are several strategies that parents can attempt for parenting through divorce. It’s important to acknowledge that no parent is flawless, but keeping these suggestions in mind can be beneficial for children’s adjustment:
Perform:
- Make sure to stay engaged with your kids to promote child adaptation
- Regularly express your love and affection towards them to build their self-esteem and resilience
- Support and encourage their bond with the other parent to promote healthy co-parenting
- Keep a close eye on your children’s activities to monitor their social relationships
- Maintain calm and respectful communication with the other parent to minimize interparental conflict
- Prioritize your mental health and seek support from other adults to manage divorce stress.
Do not:
- Engage in interparental conflict or disagreements in the presence of the children
- Make disparaging remarks about the other parent in front of the children, as this can undermine the parent-child relationship
- Neglect your psychological well-being and contentment
- Attempt to handle everything on your own without seeking assistance to help the child coping
- Withdraw from actively participating in the children’s lives, as this can negatively impact child development
- Cease using appropriate disciplinary measures when necessary.
During a parental divorce, children typically experience positive effects from what is commonly known as “authoritative parenting”, which involves parents being assertive and receptive to their children’s emotions, thoughts, and choices. This can be challenging for parents during the divorce process, but it can become more achievable with an effort from both parents and effective co-parenting.
More Resources
The American Academy of Pediatrics offers resources for healthy children, including information on the effects of parental separation on a child and how family separation affects a child, available through their website Healthychildren.org in English.
Source:
Hynan, D. J. (May 1, 2021). Children of Divorce.
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